Last night was not like the other nights. Picking up all the lost pieces and joining it altogether. It's just the nature of every human being that when the one you've always wanted to spent every moment with, left, then will we have the sense of regret. I know you're sorry for what you did but i still can't bring myself to forgive you wholeheartedly. Something is pulling me back and that is fear. I fear that you'll just walk away again and all i can do is just stare at the footsteps that you've carved while you're walking and leaving me withjust tears. Even how much i try to reach you, i fear i can't. I love you too much. TOO MUCH.
With you, everything seems right. Last night, again, a promised. Will it be genuine this time ? Please let it be real. I really want just you and me to be the way we used to be. I've missed the time when you held me in yours arms with full of love. I really feel you last night. I've missed those eyes glimmering when you say you love me. And after such a long ride with full of humps, last night, i see that in your eyes. Your warmth wrapping up my body was what i've waited. Spending the night just with you was enough to alter everything. I don't want to just have another night and another dream wasted on you. The passionate kissed on my forehead is now plastered there. I've always believed that when a guy kissed you on the forehead passionately, it's enough to prove that he loves.
You smile and watch me shut my eyes and sleep. You held my hands when i shut my eyes. You kissed my forehead when i was partially awake after a bad dream and soon after the kissed, i went back to sleep again cause thats what i needed. I need to feel you then will i be at ease and get back to my sleep. You watch me sleep and did not even wake me up though you were lonely. All you say when i asked why didn't you wake me up was,
"i know you're tired after a long day at school with that heavy bag clinging on your shoulder" "watching you smile while you're in that deep sleep is enough to accompany me"
(All i can respond to that is, smile and just lay on his chest and hugged him tight.)
This relationship has too many downturn and we've suffered. Even after i gain you, i still feel lost. I lost your love. I don't feel your love no more but after last night, our first night together after a super long time, i'm starting to see that love coming. The lack of communication and the foolish mistakes i made, taught me enough. I thought five years and just love was enough for this relationship but i then realised that this relationship lacks alot of the most essential factors. I've learned.
5:17 AM
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
don't shoved me aside.
Life will never be a simple route without you. You are the doorway to my contentment How can that smile be in my grasp when the doorway is shut forever ? please look back.
I swear that you don't have to go. I thought that i can live in your arms and live every moments with you under the stars which are the witness of our love.
Inside I'm dying with my heart beside me in shattered pieces that may never be replaced. Even i were to die now, i will always remember you now. Sleep alone tonight montyyyyy without me by your side. It will never be the same. NEVER
2:08 PM
Monday, May 25, 2009
I never needed you to be strong I never needed you to point out my wrongs i never needed pain and strain. My lovefor you was strong enough you should've known. I never needed you for judgment I never asked for help, I take care of myself, I don't know why you think you got a hold on me. And it's a little in the conversations There isn't anything that you can say. And my eyes hurt, hands shiver, so look at me and listen to me because,
I don't want to Stay another minute I don't want you To say a single word There is no other way I get the final say Because I don't want to Do this any longer I don't want you There's nothing left to say I've already spoken Our love is broken
I never needed your corrections On everything from how i act to what i say i never needed words, i never needed hurt, i never needed you to be there everyday I'm sorry for the way i let go Of everything i wanted when you came along But i am never beaten, broken, not defeated I know next to you is not where i belong And it's a little late for explanations There isn't anything that you can do And my eyes hurt, hands shiver, so you will listen when i say baby
No more words No more lies No more crying No more pain No more hurt No more trying
3:38 PM
SINGLE IS SEXY. - LOVING EVERY BITS OF THOSE SEXINESS
9:17 AM
Sunday, May 24, 2009
At last we met and i get the truth out of him. I shouldn't have believe them. YOU FUCKERS ! YOUR OWN " BEST FRIEND " BACK STABBED YOU ! Now i know who the hell is trying to be funny with us. You didn't wanna tell me cos you're scared ? Yes i am angry when you blurt out the truth and i can't even face you but realizing how brave you were to tell me the truth from the root, i feel proud. Let them play this game. We'll see how far they'll go in ruining our relationship. Anyway you bloody bitch, you don't go around fucking and seducing all guys and treat your virginity like a WHILESTOCK LAST SALE. -malukan diri kaw ah kt blog aku, biar smue org bace.
1:47 PM
Friday, May 22, 2009
slumber party at school ?ROMANCE IN THE AIR. *bluekks*
3:07 PM
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
All i ever asked for, was for you to be true but not only did you alter the facts, you even take out all the strings of "vogue" words out on me just to run away from the facts and making everything look like you're the victim. Don't be a frogger you bastard. Don't run away from the problems that you yourself put yourself into. Go and face up to it. Don't act like a 26-year old BABY who needs a pampers to pee. What was my mistake ? All i ever did was entrusting you with just my few pounds reddish heart hoping that you'll treat it right but of course NO, you did not. In fact you pinned it with all the unwanted facts that i've never dreamt to hear. Pinning it and it bleeds but you simply ignored the bleed by altering all the facts and keep on lyingggg. Was hoping that you will wipe out the bleed by explaining all that was needed to explain but i guessed right that you will not because you're just a plain coward who is self-centered who dumps your shit into my compound and letting it stink and decomposed and obviously i will be the one having to clear that trash- YOUR PROBLEMS THAT YOU CREATED to be clear. GROW-UP DUDE.
11:28 AM
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Why are they still bothering me ? Don't they understand my actions ? I simply ignored their messages but still it don't really get in their FUCKINGGGGGGGG BRAIN ? I'm sure you people are not a retard but you simply act like one, do you know that ? Want me to post your number and let the readers bugged you ?I'M NOT WITH HIM SO BUZZED OFF AND GO GETTHAT DOGGY NOT ME !
3:28 PM
Monday, May 18, 2009
I'm still so torned. My happiness has just been mercilessly ripped from me. I'm just plainly smiling and ACTING happy when deep inside it still is sored. No one can feel me. I'm just the person who is feeling it. HURT. I'M ACTING PEOPLE !ACTING ! FAKING MY SMILE ! I feel like lying down and CRYYYYY now but thanks to you guys -ain, aneey, sangeetha ecetra for laughing and ending up making me smile and forget everythingggggg . THANKYOU.
12:49 PM
AGAIN, it happened. EXPECTED actually. owells, this time around, never will i even tilt my head back and drag my feet to him again cause i promised to AZMAN. Thanks to AZMANNNNN. He really knock my head and that had struck me. Not literally of cause. Met him yesterday at one fullerton and pour it out. My heart really felt like a piece of crushed paper at that point of time but after hearing his sensible words, felt that it actually make sense and i found the pathway. I told him about the downturn that happened lately. He was even more stunned when i told him that i've patched with that dumbassand end up breaking up again. The reason we broke up was due to me being so gullible and letting that dumbass stepped all over me FLATand to also some freaking bitches and bastards who kept tagging me like everything was my fault when im the fucking victim here who is clueless of all this. READ THIS ! I'm not with him now, so don't get me involve in this inmatured shit and go beat him up by all means because i don't care and i'll be more than happy that you've actually do me a big favour by getting the job done for me. AND to that girl, if you're "smart" enough, lick him back. Hope you are happy that you ruin my relationship. One fine day, some other people will do that to yours.
To azman, i really thank you for the time yesterday when i know you were tired but still take the time to come down and meet me. The words that you spout which was making more friends in poly, move on and delete every details about that dumbass is now glued in my pink brain.
Thanks for helping me with the message that you asked me to type out and sent to that dumbass and the taggers. Hope that they will not distract me and affect my studies. I will enlarge my social circles and geting to know the POLY GUYS before getting involve in future relationships.
You were right that majority of the ite guys are just the bunch that treat school like a slumber party and girls as their sex slaves. I will heed to your advice to not getting back to him. NEVER. I PROMISE.
"To zakyyyyy, whatever you do to me now, there are bigger chances whereby it will hit back to your face and during that point of time, you can taste the sucky feeling that im feeling now. You can play me out but don't do that to some big time gangsters' daughter in future."
* A personal vow for myself to remember, will not get back to him and will look for a better love but till then will look on the bright side, school, friends and STUDIES.
10:32 AM
Friday, May 8, 2009
This week of scHooL was simply madness. I'm starting to socialize and starting to get super loud. True colors starting to blossom. DANGERRRRRR ! The strange thing is that my perception towards the system in this school still has not alter. The system is weird and rubbish still but who cares as long as you have superb mates. Surprisingly, i have a scandal in this school. Anxious to know who ? I can just briefly describe for now till i grab a snap of him. HE ? Very dark yet very clear to my eyes, Very cool type of chap which is why i find him superduperrr hot ! Sexy though he hid it behind hishuge pants and MASSIVE size collared-shirt. Though his hair is countable and has an array of white colored hair, that is my most favorite portion still cos that is a proof of " maturity ". hahahaha. His mustache attract me the most ! Why ?? Because it's too obvious and all over the place ! Wonder how he manage to finish his food without having leftovers stuck on his mustache .. *hhmmmmm * My classmates might know who i'm referring to. You guys, sssshhhhhssshhhh ! Anyway readers, during my high time in class, i decided to disturb everyone and grab snaps of them.
Had to wake monty up at 5.30 am cause he has to go for anugerah audition. Can u literally imagine how worn-out i am ? *pfffftttt*
He reach simei at 8am and already started queuing up. I dashed out my house to accompany him cum supporting him. Stand, queue, starvation, dehydration from 8am to 2pm is freaking killing me ! BUTTTTT !!!!!!!!! IT'S WORTHWHILE !!! CAUSE !!!! MONTY GOTTHROUGH THE FIRST ROUND OF AUDITION ! I believed and know that he'll get through. He practice so hard and he wants this so bad. CONGRATULATION PAPA !
After all done, from 3rd floor dashed off to the 1st floor to hug and kiss him. Everyone glaring at us but who cares. So proud of bumbum. We spent our whole night together soon after.
2:28 PM
Met monty on FRIDAY AND SATURDAY.
FRIDAYYYYY .. We had a slight tiff on friday but just a mini tiny winny arguement. So, i thought of postponing our date but he insisted on meeting so i went with it. We argue as to where we should meet. Simei or Woodlands. He wants to "broooomm !" all the way to simei whereas i wanna leap all the way to woodlands.HAHA. In the end he compromise andand gave in to me. So i leap and leap all the way to woodlands.
Upon reaching there, we lepak at pondok and we chit-chat all the karotKAROT ahh. We had our personal and private talk just between us cause usually when we meet, there will be company so friday was just the both of us. There were a few confession he has to clear cause he lied about an issue which i came to know. I didn't had to press him so hard for him to vomit out the truth like in the past. In the past, i had all the vulgarities out my hole just for him to blurt out the truth but still i didn't manage to get the truth out from him BUT now, after patching up, still trying to mend ways, the only way i try to get the truth out of him is to try to persuade him like saying "i understand" "i won't blow my top" "hug him" "talk supersuper SWEEEEETTTTT" until he believe and confess ! WAAA LAHHHHH ! super easy ! now i learn, usevulgarities = won't work but understand and give all the supporthe needs = WORKS !
After that, lepak with his kawan, kena screen with kampao and all, share eerie ghost stories after that crappy incident until 145am then he sent me home because i takottttt youuuuu !
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ROMANCE IN THE AIR. *bluekks*
